Spirit Bound Dimitri's POV
by LaraJade17
Summary: Ever wanted to know what exactly was going through Dimitri's head after being turned back in 'Spirit Bound', well here's your chance to find out...  'Spirit Bound', all written in Dimitri's point of view. Enjoy! :
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys, my name is Lara and I'm an Aussie who loves writing! :) Although I probably don't want to become a professional writer, I love writing and just do it for fun! I'm also a student, so my chapters might not be put out that quickly as I have to juggle school work and everything.**

**I've always wanted to read Spirit Bound from Dimitri's POV, and after searching for one for so long, I finally decided just to write it myself!  
**

**I appreciate everyone who reads my story and especially would love if you reviewed, I know how some people get a bit touchy about criticism, but I love it! If it's going to help me improve so I can put out even better stories for you guys to read, then awesome! Please let me know how I can improve my writing and if you want me to continue writing this cos there's no point writing it if no ones reading it! :)  
**

**I own nothing, everything belongs to the original author of the Vampire Academy series; Richelle Mead. (God bless that woman for bringing us V.A.!)**

**P.S. As I said above I'm an Aussie (and very proud of it!) so some of our spellings are different to that of Americans e.g. realise/realize, so I promise I'm not a bad speller, we just spell some things differently here! :)**

_**Enjoy! xxx Lara**_

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Light. All I could see was light, I was surrounded by it. By the sounds of the cries I could hear coming from others in the room, they were getting blinded by the light too. Suddenly I realised that the excruciating burning pain I had felt disappeared almost instantly and I had the strangest sensation of waking up, very similar to how I had felt that night when I broke the lust charm.

Then all the memories came flooding back to me; blood, destruction, death, all because of me. The memories that hurt me the most though were the ones with Rose, I remembered every single thing that had happened with her clearer than all the others, she had searched for me so she could destroy the monster that I had become, and I had kidnapped her, drugged her on vampire bite endorphins so she could hardly even form a coherent thought, but worst of all I had tried to make her like me; a Strigoi, a cold and heartless monster. But, being the smart, strong woman I knew she was, she had said no and when she did, I had set out to kill her. To kill the woman I loved. I struggled with my self control to hold back the tears that were threatening to overflow.

Then it was gone, no more light. It went away so suddenly, it made me wonder whether it was really even there in the first place. As I tried to regain my vision, I suddenly realised the most beautiful thing. Although I also felt intense guilt, I realised I didn't want to kill anymore, well except Strigoi, because that was who I was again, a Dhampir guardian, no more cold-hearted monster. Well, okay maybe I still qualified as a cold-hearted monster after everything I did, but I was definitely not Strigoi.

Then I had another wave of realisation, I owed everything including my life to one person. Vasilisa Dragomir, or Lissa as she preferred to be called. She saved me, used her magic to make me a Dhampir again, to destroy the monster I once was, oh and of course, she must have healed my burns when she changed me too, that was why I felt no pain. Well, no physical pain. I then realised she was holding me, and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Although I didn't feel in any way romantic towards her, she now and forever would be a part of my life, I needed her in my life, to repay her for what she'd done for me but most of all just because I somehow felt like she's a part of me, like I had some sort of bond with her. I was sure it was nothing like what Rose and Lissa have, but I still loved her, almost like a child loves their mother. And then I got it; mothers give their children the gift of life when they're born, and this is what bonds them so closely. That's what Lissa had done to me, given me the gift of life, bonding me to her for what I knew in my heart would be forever.

Thinking about Lissa and her bond with Rose made me think about Rose and the memories again. This time I couldn't control myself and once I started I knew I wouldn't be able to stop. I let the tears run freely as I lay in Lissa's lap, shielding my face from the person I knew would be in the room, I just couldn't stand to see her, I would surely explode with the guilt that consumed me. Lissa was stroking my hair, whispering something I couldn't hear over the sound of my weeping, though from what I could make out she was soothing me, telling me everything was going to be okay. I knew that was a lie.

I couldn't hold my curiosity back anymore; I had to see what was going on and how everyone was reacting to me. So, I looked up and along with guardians; I saw Strigoi and Christian Ozera, a Moroi I had kidnapped along with Lissa to bait Rose, all standing in the barn with looks of shock and disbelief on their faces, all of them looking towards one thing; me. Then, just as if I was drawn to her, my eyes bore straight into Rose's big brown ones, oh she was just so beautiful. My Roza. She looked shocked but unlike the others in the room, I saw in her eyes that she believed I was a Dhampir again. The trust she had in me was amazing, but then I remembered everything I did to her. I didn't deserve that trust. I looked down in shame and resumed my crying in Lissa's lap.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys, thanks for everyone who added me to their favourite authors/stories list, that really made my day!**

**Also, a special thanks to _ChickRockGuitar,_ _Twilighternproud_ and_amberrosalie_ for leaving reviews! It's nice to know someones enjoying the story :)**

**Sorry this chapter took a while, I first wrote it at like one in the morning, then read it back the next day and thought I must have been drunk or something it was so bad! Haha, so I wrote it again, and lets all pray this one's better! :)**

**Oh, and I have a question I was hoping you guys could help me with! This story doesn't show up when I search it's name (Spirit Bound - Dimitri's POV) - regardless of whether I'm logged in or not, although if I search my username it shows under 'this Authors stories' or whatever its called; I'm so confused, does it show up for you guys? How did you find my story? **

**Thanks to all of you guys who favourite and especially leave reviews. Oh and a really special thank you to those of you who can help me solve the mystery of the no-show story :)**

**ENJOY! **

**Good wishes from Australia ;) xxx Lara  
**

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There was silence for a moment more, and then I heard the battle resume. This was all my fault, all the guardians that died tonight, they died because of me. As I looked up to watch the battle, I thought about joining in, fighting for my true side with the guardians, but I just couldn't bring myself to leave Lissa's side. Besides, I probably didn't have the strength anyway. I could see the guardians were winning and I instantly became tense as I saw a group of them coming towards me and Lissa.

They were trying to take Lissa away from me, what were they doing? Couldn't they see I was a Dhampir, the fact that they thought I would ever hurt Lissa kind of annoyed me a little bit, she saved me, couldn't they see she wanted to stay with me! As they tried to pry Lissa off me I felt her grip me protectively and I watched as she waved her arms in a feeble attempt to stop the guardians from taking her away from me. I suddenly realised I could help her; I clutched her back and tried to fight them off, but I was just as weak as Lissa. We couldn't win, and just as I realised this they managed to tear us apart.

"Should we kill him?"

"I don't know, he looks like a Dhampir to me"

"Yeah, but he could be faking, I mean come on, Strigoi can't change to Dhampir – it's impossible!"

What! Impossible; were they serious? Couldn't they see it wasn't impossible, was I not good enough proof? I was sitting right in front of them! A dark but true thought came into my mind; they should kill me. I mean, it wasn't like I didn't deserve to be dead; I'd killed innocent people and tortured those I loved. I looked down at the ground in shame, trying to control the tears that once again were threatening to overflow.

Suddenly, I was hauled upwards by what felt like two strong hands; guardians. I hadn't realised just how weak I was until then; I couldn't even stand on my feet. It embarrassed me to be this vulnerable, especially in front of guardians. I never wanted to be this weak again; I needed to protect Lissa. And, although I would never admit it to her and probably not even myself, Rose.

I used all the strength left in me to move my head up in an attempt see what was going on, only to see a bunch of guardians moving towards me. A flash of metal in their hands caught my eye. Stakes.

This was it I thought. They were really going to kill me.

"No! Don't! He's not what you think! He's not Strigoi! Look at him!"

I heard what sounded like Lissa, Christian and Rose all scream the same pleading protests at the guardians, who, in losing their normal expressionless guardian faces, now wore looks of extreme confusion and uncertainty. Even though Rose, Christian and Lissa were just speaking the truth, they still shouldn't have been defending me. Especially not Rose. I didn't deserve her love and above all I didn't deserve her forgiveness.

I looked over at her only to see her being fiercely pulled back by Hans, one of the schools guardians. If I had had the strength to move my feet over to where Rose was now struggling with Hans, I would have punched him for touching her that aggressively. Rose, being Rose though, beat me to it, turning around and punching him square on the nose. I saw a look of shock cross her face when she realised she'd just punched a guardian, and one of pure determination when a group of guardians ascended on her. Seeing her willing to fight her guardians just to defend me increased my guilt but also - as wrong as it was - made me slightly happy and proud that she was mine. Well, used to be mine. My selfish thoughts of Rose were cleared from my head and my gaze was directed off of her as the guardians holding me up starting tugging Lissa and I out of the room.

I regretted letting them take me as we were dragged back through the barn. I felt sick to the stomach as I saw all the bodies. Yes they were mostly Strigoi, but I still saw guardians lying there among the dead. Every time I saw someone I knew, even if it was just as an acquaintance, I felt a sharp twisting pain in my heart as I remembered that these guardians had all died because of me.

I was shoved forcefully into one of the schools SUV's, and it was then I realised that Lissa wasn't with me. I was too distracted by my all-consuming guilt to see when and where she had been pulled away too. I needed to find out where she was, I needed to make sure she was okay. But what about Rose, she had faced a whole group of guardians on her own. What if they had decided to kill her instead of me; the woman I loved. Dead. All because of me.

Although I would serve Lissa for the rest of my life, I had to protect Rose. If Rose died, so would I. And I was pretty sure after seeing Rose in that barn, basically willing to do anything to protect me, if I died; so would she. I wasn't too worried about Rose though, I was confident they wouldn't kill her. Guardians were much too valuable too lose, especially a female one. Plus, almost nothing could hurt her; she was the most amazing fighter and the most amazing woman.

And the most amazing kisser.

I tried to think of anything but the feel of Roses gentle lips on mine, the feel of her amazing body under my hands, her loving, intense gaze, that amazing man-eater smile she could dish out, her beautiful, silky hair that felt oh so good to run my hands through. Oh God, stop stop stop Dimitri, think of something else, anything! Lissa's safety seemed just about the only thing that could distract me now I was thinking about Rose.

"Lissa" was all I managed to say, I was too physically and mentally drained to utter anything else.

"The princess is safe" Phew. I faintly heard him add under his breath "Now she's away from you".

I mentally winced; they still thought I was Strigoi, but how? Could they not see me, I had no red eyes, no fangs! And how could they ever think I would hurt Lissa. She was the reason I was alive, really alive. I would never hurt her for as long as I lived, I owed her a lifetime of servitude and I valued her life more than my own. My thoughts of Lissa eventually drifted off as I fell into a deep sleep.

I woke up, uncomfortable, where was I, why was I here? I understood then, memories flooding back as the tidal wave of guilt crashed over me. Jeez, my life was going to be hell. I wondered how the guardians had brought me here. Probably dragged me along the ground, I thought; they were still anxious of me, and definitely didn't care about hurting me.

I took in my surroundings; I had my own little cell, equipped with a small bed which I was currently lying in. It was uncomfortable and so tiny; I was surprised I could even fit inside it without my feet hanging off the edge. I sat up from the bed and immediately a bunch of guardians swooped on me, stationing themselves at the door of my cell, their faces unreadable. Whoa, I hadn't realised just how big of a threat they thought I was.

Sensing just how dry my throat was, I took advantage of them being so close to ask them for a favour. "Can I please have some water?" I asked; my voice hoarse. I was still pretty worn out from yesterday, but at least I had the strength to form a sentence.

I watched one of the guardians exit the room and come back shortly after holding a metal cup filled with water, he unlocked the door and gave it to me along with a piece of pretty dodgy looking bread. Huh, how generous of them. After I'd drunk my water and made my way through the slightly stale bread I had another request for the stone-faced guardians.

"I need to see Princess Vasilisa. Now."

I swear one of the guardians almost laughed "Yeah, right. The Princess would never agree to that, besides, we would never put her in that kind of danger"

Danger! Were they serious? This guy had obviously not been in the barn last night. He had obviously not seen how Lissa had wanted to stay with me. It almost made me laugh at how sure this guy was that Lissa wouldn't want to see me. Almost.

"Please, just ask her, if she says no then okay." I knew she wouldn't.

I saw each of the guardians regarding me curiously and shooting each other confused, anxious glances. I didn't blame them, the thought of a Strigoi being changed into a Dhampir was an outrageous one, and I wouldn't have believed it myself if It hadn't happened to me just last night.

Eventually, the guardians decided it would be safe enough for me to see Lissa, as long as she wanted to see me. I would have bet my life that she did.

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**So, what did you think? Leave a review please; it really would make my day ;)**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Hey guys, first of all I want to say: I AM SO SORRY.**_

_**I feel really bad because I know this chapter took me so long to put up but I just had so much work with school and everything! I actually counted it and I had 15 assignments to complete, and 7 tests to study for. No joke! I only have 3 assignments left and I've done all my tests so I'm really excited because I can finally relax and of course... write my story! :)**_

_**So... yeah, enjoy the chapter and if you guys can give me any answers about my search problem that would be awesome because it's still not fixed and no one replied about it last chapter. **_

_**Thank you so much to ForeverFearless14, jodie22, RawhrILoveYou and amberrosalie for reviewing, it's awesome to know at least someone's reading the story, and I would love if you could continue to review, and let your friends know to read it since no one can find it using search! :)  
**_

_**Thanks for being patient guys and once again, I'm really sorry for taking so long.**_

_**XXX Lara**_

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Her lips trailed small butterfly kisses up my neck and eventually made their way up to kiss along my jaw, all the time whispering how much she needed me and loved me. Although I melted in her soft, gentle touch and sweet words, I needed to feel her lips on mine.

I gently pulled her beautiful face up to mine and found myself falling into the dark depths of brown that were now looking at me, filled with love and passion. I was too entranced by her beauty that I didn't notice her leaning in to kiss me until I felt her lips find mine. My hand tightened around her waist and the other almost instinctively snaked its way into her beautiful, soft hair. It felt amazing to kiss her soft lips again, and she pressed her body closer to mine as she lay on top of me, effectively making the kiss hard and hungry. It reminded me of the blissful, passionate moments we had shared in the cabin.

I pulled away from the love of my life, gasping for air. It didn't help much when I saw her face; the beauty of it and the love I saw radiating from it almost took the little breath I had left in me away. I smiled at her and whispered "I love you so much Roza, I'll always be here for you"...

I woke up with a start, my dirty shirt sticking to me from where I'd been sweating. I sat up to see around ten guardians looking straight at me. Most had blank faces, but I could still see some of them looking at me with looks that all but screamed "crazy's awoken from another one of his psycho dreams!" Oh god, I better not have been talking in my sleep, I groaned inwardly at the embarrassing thought of the guardians hearing me moaning and mumbling.

Wait, moaning and mumbling? Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. I felt a shiver run through my body as I remembered my dream. Rose and I... oh god, the memories were just too painful. Firstly because it created such a sense of longing in my body, I thought I was going to explode, and secondly; I knew I was never going to be able to have that experience with Rose again. Never be able to hold her, kiss her, tell her how much I loved her, laugh at her smartass attitude or run my hand through her beautiful, silky hair.

Thinking about this depressing fact made me so distressed; I could have sworn I was physically shaking as the tears rose to my eyes. But, in what I hoped was what Rose would call true Dimitri style; I refused to let myself cry in front of the guardians. I had once promised myself never to let myself be weak in the presence of guardians again; although I had betrayed this promise multiple times when I woke up from one of my haunting dreams, the tears already spilling from my eyes to the floor.

This dream however had been different from the others; this one had made me happy, and I wanted to just stay in my fantasy dream world and pretend my life was not the tangled mess it really was.

The other dreams I always had involved more or less the same thing; I was a Strigoi and killed Rose, or Rose was a Strigoi and she killed me. Both of the dreams were horrific and torturing in their own ways.

The first one was of me as a Strigoi, killing Rose. In this twisted nightmare; I tortured her until she begged for me to stop, crying on the floor. Only once she had practically begged for me to kill her, would I simply snap her neck and watch her fall to the ground at my feet, emotionless.

This dream always left me shaking with fear, mainly because I knew that at one point of my life, when I was a Strigoi obviously, I had wanted to do just that. Kill Rose. Kill the love of my life.

The second dream was equally as terrifying, if not more so. In this one, Rose was the Strigoi and she had killed me the exact same way I had killed her in my other dream I kept having.

_I was standing in the dark alleyway, listening for any signs of danger, when I felt someone's hot breath on my neck;_

"_Hey comrade, miss me?"_

_I whipped around to see Rose smiling coldly at me. I used to live for those smiles; they always brightened my day. But seeing her smile now, it just didn't have the same affect on me when it was plastered on her cold hard Strigoi face. I shivered while thinking of the days when we were both Dhampir's, when everything was perfect; just before the attack on St. Vladimir's when my Roza was turned. _

_I realised too late that my little nostalgic moment would cost me my life. I heard her whisper to me in her cold, but always beautiful voice, just one more time;_

"_See you in hell comrade."_

_Our eyes locked one more time, but it didn't make me melt inside like it always used to. The red rings she flaunted now actually caused a sick feeling to form in my stomach. _

_I closed my eyes, not wanting to see her any longer, scared at how I would react if I had to look at her and remember everything we went through, only to have it all destroyed when she was turned..._

That was usually where I woke up, sweating, like every other dream I had.

I always wondered to myself whether that was how Rose saw me. Was I really that terrifying? Really that cruel, that heartless? The answer made the bile rise in my throat; yes. Yes Rose had really seen me like that. When she looked at me she saw a cold, soulless monster who didn't value anyone's life but their own. She saw me as selfish and murderous, and I bet I made her feel sick to the stomach and fear for her life.

Oh god this is just all so wrong. I had once promised to protect her; sworn I would do whatever it took to keep her safe. But I had broken that promise, and broken it in the worst way possible; becoming the danger. I had vowed to protect her and longed to kill her straight afterwards.

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I sat on my bed, if you could even call it that considering its size, with my head in my heads still thinking about that dream when I heard the voice of a guardian; firm and emotionless "Belikov. There are people here to see you."

I tried to ignore the pain it caused me when I heard him use my name without the guardian title, but it was impossible. I had worked my whole life to become a guardian, dedicated everything I had to protect the Moroi I was assigned to. Being a guardian was all I had left now that I knew I would never get Rose back after everything I had done to her. It was for this reason that I knew I would do everything I could to ensure I got that title back again. But what if I couldn't? What would my life be like without Rose or my guardian title? I already knew the answer to that, but I knew I was just too afraid to tell myself the truth; I would fall apart. My heart and my life would be in pieces.

In an attempt to distract myself from thinking about the possibility of never being a guardian again and the fact I would never have Rose again; I thought about who it could be visiting me. Wait, was it Rose? Oh, or Lissa. I suddenly felt bad at how quickly I had assumed it was Rose, and how disappointed I felt at the thought of it being Lissa instead. I mentally scolded myself as I looked up.

But it wasn't Rose, and it wasn't Lissa either. It was just more guardians; about five more to add to the ten I already had. I watched with curiosity as a short, bald and slightly overweight Moroi man came to stand in front of the guardians, and almost fell off the bed in shock as he pulled out a set of keys and started to unlock my cell.

I saw one of the five guardians standing at the front trying really hard to keep from laughing as he saw my shocked expression. I think his name was Mikhail Tanner, and although I didn't know him well, I was sure I had probably spoken to him a few times when we were both on duty.

I looked at him questioningly, and he actually gave me a small smile before slipping his guardian mask back into place. Wow, that was weird. I guess he believed I was a Dhampir again. Although I hardly knew this man, I was glad to know at least somebody believed me.

I watched with confusion as Guardian Tanner walked away with another guardian, coming back soon after with a table, two chairs stacked neatly on top of it. What the hell is going on here?

The Guardians walked into my cell, placed the table in the middle with the two chairs sitting either side of the table. The five guardians who had been standing in front of my cell before came inside and crammed themselves along the walls. Seeing all five guardians, the bald Moroi and I all packed inside this tiny cell actually made me laugh out loud, but I stopped abruptly as I noticed the strange stare I was receiving from the Moroi. I looked at him and along with the weird look I saw him giving me, I also noticed he had now sat himself down in one of the chairs on either side of the table.

Great, just great. There's one more person to add to my list of people who think I'm a psycho. And trust me; the list is pretty damn long.

"Belikov. Sit."

Wow, definitely not a man of many words. I looked to the door as I sat down, surprised they had just left it open. As if he had heard my thoughts, one of the ten guardians outside walked forward, took the keys back from the Moroi man and locked the cell back up. As I heard the door slam shut, I couldn't help the frantic feeling that I would be trapped here forever from rising in my chest.

I had been sitting down for a while now, but the Moroi man had still not said a word. He just sat there looking at his papers, then up at me, and then down to his papers again. My curiosity ended up getting the better of me though.

"I don't mean to be rude Sir, but I am confused as to who you are and why you're here"

The Moroi man simply stared at me like he thought I was stupid.

He spoke after several more seconds of the awkward silence. "Why I'm here to determine whether or not you're still a Strigoi."


	4. Chapter 4

_**Hey hey hey my beautiful readers, **_

_**First of all; oops I forgot to say that I don't own Vampire Academy or any of its characters for the last two chapters. So yeah... let's just pretend I wrote that for the last two chapters as well as this one! Sorry, Richelle Mead! :)**_

_**Also, I just wanted to say Rest in Peace to all those who died in the 9/11 terrorist attacks, for which we had the 9**__**th**__** anniversary a few weeks ago. My heart goes out to every single person that lost their life and those who lost family and friends as well. Also, I found this comment on Tumblr and it really made me think about my situation and how sometimes I do take things I have or am able to do for granted. I hope you take the time to read it as well, and think about the life you are so lucky to lead: **_

September 11 2001

Jumpers.

Imagine being trapped in the Twin Towers knowing you're going to die, and having to make the decision to either suffocate from smoke or jump to a fast and painful death. Imagine the fact that you're never going to see your loved ones again, or be able to tell them you love them. Imagine falling, and wishing that you become unconscious before you hit the ground, or imagine closing your eyes in a cubical while you're slowly being suffocated. How would you feel knowing that there is no way out of this and that this is the end of your road? I'm trying to put myself in that position right now and the immense pain I'm going through is indescribable. The fact that I know I'm going to be dead within the next ten minutes would probably be enough to send my heart into shock. So many things would go through my mind. My life would flash before my eyes, and not only the life I lived, but the future I always wanted. It's all being stripped away. We complain so much about the decisions in our lives. These people had no time to complain. They never got the option of "LIFE". It was death or death, and that was it.

_**Okay, you guys sorry about that really long AN, l just wanted to pay my respects to all the people affected by the 9/11 tragedy. So yeah, enjoy the chapter and leave a review please; they make my day :)**_

_**Lara xxx**_

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**_Mr Fredericks leant towards me, his bald head glistening with sweat under the bright lights they had set up next to the table. I had had to hold in my laughter when they had brought those lights in, I wondered if a second man was going to come in so they could go all good cop, bad cop on me.

I felt my control slipping as he peered curiously into my eyes for what felt like the thousandth time since we started, which funnily enough was only five minutes ago.

"Are you going to look in my eyes every single second," I growled. I hadn't meant to sound so angry, but this man was really starting to piss me off with his constant staring.

"Yes actually Mr Belikov I am. Your eyes could change at any second, and it's not like you're going to announce to me that as your eyes are now ringed in red, you are a soulless monster who most likely wants to drink my blood and kill me. Are you?" Ugh, he looked so damn smug, like he'd won some kind of verbal war with me.

I wanted to wipe that look off his face, but I knew that I had to act calm and controlled. I mean, if I snapped at this guy and called him an asshole or punched him; that surely wouldn't be good for my case. So, I just went along with his stupid idea, letting him think he won.

"Of course not, I'm sorry. That was a stupid question." God, I swear it physically pained me to say that.

He smiled arrogantly, "Oh I know it was. Anyway, enough with the eyes". Oh thank god. "Now I'll be asking you a few questions about your life before you were a Strigoi, when you were a Strigoi and when you were..." He looked at me strangely, "your life now" he finished. I sighed and closed my eyes for a few seconds trying to gain control over my emotions.

"Open your eyes right now Mr Belikov" Mr Fredericks almost yelled. I opened them quickly, and to my surprise he looked really scared. I felt smug knowing that I freaked this frustrating man out.

"Okay." He said, still trying to control his breathing. "Before you turned Strigoi you worked as a Guardian here, and also mentored..." He looked down at his file and his eyes widened.

He looked up to me with a smirk on his face "Rosemarie Hathaway? As in the crazy, uncontrollable Rosemarie Hathaway?"

"Yes." I said through gritted teeth. He knew nothing about Rose; she was so different from what she used to be like, so much more controlled. She was going to be one of the best guardians our world has ever seen; she could kick this guy's ass in seconds. I fought back a smile as I pictured Rose kicking the crap out of this guy.

Mr Fredericks voice pulled me out of my thoughts on the love of my life. "Pretty easy on the eyes as well. I mean, just look at that body." He chuckled to himself and I saw a few of the guardians clench their fists and shoot Mr Fredericks murderous glares, mine being one of the harshest.

Of course, they weren't annoyed for the same reason as me, thank god for that, but I knew his comment would annoy any Dhampir. Moroi like this man thought they were superior to Dhampir's and that they could treat them as their blood whores. We guardians gave our lives to the Moroi, and while I don't regret my decision to become a guardian, I, along with most of the guardians wish the Moroi could just treat us with a little more gratitude and respect.

Although not all Moroi were like this; Princess Vasilisa, or Lissa as she liked to be called, is one of the most down-to-earth people I know. She sacrificed her life to save mine, something you would not expect coming from a Royal Moroi.

"Don't talk about Roza like that. You would disgust her, just like you disgust me. You'll never lay a hand on her" I growled.

I saw fear flash across his face for a split second, and instantly felt smug, but he quickly put a blank expression back on his face. "Yes, well then. Wait, what did you call Miss Hathaway, Roza was it?

Oh damn I hadn't even realised I'd called her that. Roza sounded like quite a friendly name for a mentor and student relationship. Damn this asshole and his stupid questions.

Mr Fredericks echoed my thoughts only seconds after I had thought them. "Hmm, Roza... that sounds like something you would call a friend, or even something more that. You were also pretty defensive when I simply mentioned she was beautiful." He raised his bushy black eyebrows.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the same guardian that had smiled at me before, Mikhail Tanner. His eyes widened and I saw what I could have sworn was worry and fear cross his face as he heard Mr Fredericks comment. That was weird, did he know about Roza and I? If that were true, why did Rose tell him? Why was he worried and scared for us? Why hadn't he told anyone? My head started to hurt due to the hundreds of questions swimming through my mind.

As I listened to my heart beating rapidly in my chest, thinking over whether to punch Mr Fredericks infuriating face, I saw him searching through his file, obviously looking for something.

He gave me a big grin. Great, he must have found what he was looking for, and I am pretty sure that is not a good thing. "Ah, here we go. According to my files, Victor Dashkov made a very interesting comment regarding you and Miss Hathaway at his trial. Do you remember this comment, Mr Belikov?"

I felt my hands grip so hard in anger and fear that I swear my nails were cutting into my palms and drawing blood. "Yes I do actually." I said coldly, because I did remember. He had told everyone about Rose and I, but luckily for us, no one paid that much attention to it, thinking he was just trying to avert attention from his trial.

"Hmm, if I read my file correctly, Mr. Dashkov said at his trial; 'you might want to consider  
trying a statutory rape case' in regard to you and Miss Hathaway. That seems quite a strange comment to make, do you have any idea why he would he have said this? Oh and if this is true Mr Belikov I wouldn't be lecturing me about laying a hand on her," he said smugly.

"Of course it's not true! How dare you even suggest that, I would never have a relationship with my student! Rose and I were simply mentor and student, and we eventually became friends. Nothing. More. Victor Dashkov was simply trying to avert the attention away from himself in a sick attempt to escape his prison sentence." I spat each word out, surprising even myself when I heard the venom in my voice, especially considering I was completely lying about my relationship with Rose. I loved her. So, so much. It still shocked me that no one was able to see the love that radiated off of both of us when we were around each other, it overpowered every other emotion I held in my body.

But I couldn't let my love for her get the better of myself this time. I didn't deserve her. I didn't deserve to love her. I didn't even deserve to know her. I would never hold her or kiss her again; I didn't have the right to that privilege.

I felt tears prickling at my eyes as I thought about Rose. I wanted to see her so badly, but at the same time I didn't because I knew when I did, I would just have to push her away.

The tears were rising fast now as I thought about pushing my beautiful Roza away. Mr Fredericks and all the guardians except Guardian Tanner looked very shocked at my weakness, but they had no idea the effect My Roza had on me.

"Why are you crying Belikov? Guilty about all the things you've done, the people you've killed? Sad you can't kill more people?"

That was it. The final straw.

I jumped to my feet "Of course not! You have some serious nerve saying that to me."

"Well, you didn't seem to have a problem with it a few days ago Belikov."

I felt my anger rising, if someone didn't step in I was going to attack this man.

Guardian Tanner must have seen the anger in my eyes as he quickly stepped forward and faced Mr Fredericks. "That's enough. You've asked your questions" he said in a cold voice.

Mr Fredericks looked appalled. "Excuse me? I wasn't done yet! You have no right to stop me from asking simple questions." Now all three of us were standing up, not to mention the guardians inside and outside the cell. I was seriously getting claustrophobic in here.

"You're questions are not simple Mr Fredericks. They are stupid and inappropriate, and I can see that Mr Belikov has had enough of them. If you're not careful, I'm sure he will be happy to kick you out himself, and I definitely will not stop him." I felt so grateful towards Guardian Tanner, but I was also surprised to see none of the guardians scolding him for his rudeness towards Mr Fredericks. I guess they wanted him gone just as much as we obviously did.

"Are you threatening me?" Mr Fredericks looked more shocked than anything else, and to be honest, so was I. I mean, I hardly know Guardian Tanner, yet here he is defending me. I decided then that I didn't want him to get in any trouble for me; I had to step in and stop all of this.

"No, he isn't threatening you Mr Fredericks. He has, unlike you, worked out that if you continue making ridiculous claims about my student and I and suggesting I want to kill people because I'm annoyed, I will get pissed off. Very pissed off." I knew I shouldn't have been speaking to him like that, but I was really worried he was going to find out about Rose and I, not to mention really, really angry with his questions and inappropriate comments about my Roza.

He just stood there with his mouth actually hanging open. I had to hold myself back from reaching out and snapping it shut. Perhaps a little harder than really necessary.

He eventually recovered though and wrote some more notes in his file, most likely about my comment and how it automatically must prove that I'm still a Strigoi. Relieved, I watched him stomp up the stairs after one of the guardians had opened my cell door for him to leave, giving a pretty obvious hint that he should go.

I looked over to Guardian Tanner, hoping I was showing as much gratitude as possible in my face. "Thank you Guardian Tanner."

He smiled at me, "call me Mikhail. Belikov," – I stopped him there; telling him to call me Dimitri – "Dimitri. You don't deserve to be stuck in here, it's obvious you're no longer Strigoi. You deserve to be out in the world. With her."

He whispered the last part so quietly I couldn't even be sure I heard him right. 'With her.' That just added to my suspicion that he knew about Roza and I. But he hasn't told anyone about us yet, he seemed worried when he thought we were going to get caught out and now he was saying I deserved to be with her? It sounded to me like he was fine with our relationship. Well, at least there's one person apart from my family that is happy for us!

I sighed. It didn't matter anyway, the Queen could offer to throw us a personalised wedding but I could still never be with her; not after everything I did.

A lone tear slid down my face as I faced the wall on my tiny bed, away from the guardians all standing outside my locked cell again and the furniture that was currently being carried away. I tried to let sleep take me even though I knew I was probably just going to have another nightmare, but I tried to think about something else other than nightmares, Mr Fredericks and the one thing that always seemed to be on my mind; Rose.

Princess Vasilisa. She seemed to be the only thing that could distract me nowadays; I felt a strong need to keep her safe. I fell asleep thinking about what I would say to her when I saw her, which I hoped, and knowing her kind of knew, would be very soon.

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I want to thank _**Chantie15, Dimka24, Chiquis, Decode-L4UR3N, redglasses, LoveOrange24**_ and _**amberrosalie**_ for reviewing. I would love for you to do the same again and any new people reading the story or even people who have been reading from chapter one but never reviewed; reviews are much appreciated! :)


	5. AN Important

Hello my beautiful readers (hopefully there's some left...),

I'm so sorry I haven't updated, I've had some pretty horrible things going on in my life – and to be honest much more important things I had to deal with and get over. I'd rather not go into it, but I am so so so so so so so (times a million!) sorry I haven't updated in so long.

I'm hoping I'll be able to update sometime soon, but just know I haven't given up on this FanFic... so keep your eyes open for an update :)

I'm praying for everyone who is suffering as a result of the Queensland floods. As an Australian myself; my heart just breaks when I watch all the footage on the news. Please pray for everyone there, and if you can; donate on the Australian Red Cross website. On behalf of Australians all over the country – thank you.

LaraJade xxx


	6. Chapter 6

_**Hey guys...**_

_**I'm so embarrassed to be updating this late, so please read the previous A/N for my reasons as to why this update is so ridiculously late... I'm sorry :(**_

_**Oh and no I did not magically turn into Richelle Mead overnight, so no; as much as I wish it was, Vampire Academy is not mine.**_

_**Enjoy the chapter,**_

_**LaraJade xxx**_

_**

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**_Mr. Fredericks was still coming to my cell every now and then, still asking his dumb questions and making inappropriate comments about Roza.

I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists as I watched him in front of me, smug as ever. I was about to kill this man.

"That Ivashkov is one lucky bastard!" he whistled, shaking his head and chuckling.

My head snapped up, "What did you just say" I growled. Rose wouldn't be with him. Would she? If she was, I was going to kill Adrian Ivashkov. He would never love her like I did.

"Hmm, you seem angry Belikov, why is that? Jealous?"

"Of course I'm not jealous, she. Is. My. Student. I'm concerned for her, Adrian Ivashkov", I sneered his name, "is not good for her." I hadn't meant to get so angry, but just the thought of him holding her, kissing her, touching her... it made my blood boil.

"Mm-hm...sure Belikov" he whispered as he winked at me.

I started to shake from anger, half from Mr. Fredericks and his infuriating ability to piss me off, and half from the idea of Rose and that Ivashkov kid together.

Mikhail stepped forward and ended the session as he always did "Get out. Right now."

I stared at Mikhail, shocked at the venom in his voice and the fact he had just spoken to Mr. Fredericks like that. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Mr. Fredericks looking at Mikhail will the same stunned look I had, only mine was filled with gratitude while his consisted of disgust and although he tried very hard to mask it; fear.

Mikhail spoke again, his voice like ice, effectively sending a shiver down my spine. "Did you not hear me? I said get out. I've had enough of this.", he took a deep breath and I could see him struggling with his control, "please." His voice was menacing and full of hatred. I could understand the fearsome look Mr. Fredericks now wore.

"R-r-r-right. Um, yes. Right away." He turned to me, "I'll see you soon Belikov. Try not to kill anyone while I'm gone." Seeing the murderous look Mikhail was giving him, he changed his words; "um I didn't mean soon, I meant a long time. Yes yes... weeks, months maybe, I've got a sick wife. And mother. And yes my nephews... and nieces. Sick, very sick. Terrible, terrible." I laughed internally at his discomfort and poor choice of excuses and couldn't help but laugh out loud as he tripped on his way out while looking back at us, fear evident in his eyes. I heard Mikhail chuckle next to me, and I smiled as I turned to him.

"Thank you. I don't know how to thank you enough. I swear I was about to punch him in the face"

He chuckled again, and I heard a few of the more relaxed guardians positioned in and outside of my cell chuckle with us in agreement.

"Not if I got to him first", he whispered with a smile, winking at me. As he went back to his position on the wall, he spoke again; "We know you're not Strigoi by the way."

It was such a simple statement, yet it managed to warm my heart and make me feel something I hadn't in a while; hope. Hope that things would get better.

I smiled back, nodded at the guardians in thanks and climbed into my bed, for once not noticing how uncomfortable it made me feel. For once I was happy. Happy I wouldn't have to deal with Mr. Fredericks any more, happy that the guardians knew I wasn't Strigoi and happy as I knew Princess Vasilisa would be visiting me soon, as I'd been told by one of the guardians bringing me my stale bread earlier.

I woke up to the sound of footsteps, too quiet for Mr. Fredericks, yet too loud for a Dhampir. I was still exhausted from the encounter with Mr. Fredericks yesterday that I didn't bother opening my eyes to see who was visiting me.

"Oh Dimitri..."

My eyes immediately opened, and I looked up to see the tear-stricken face of my saviour. Princess Vasilisa. I didn't want to go too close to her in fear the Guardians would see me as a threat so I cautiously walked up to the bars but when I made my way over to her. I couldn't stop myself; I fell to my knees, tears building in my eyes.

I felt the Princess kneel down in front of me, and I let out a small sob as I felt her hand reach through the bars and stroke my hair. I hated feeling weak, especially showing my weakness, but the emotion overcame me. I had to let it out somehow and I knew Princess Vasilisa wouldn't judge me, I already felt like I loved her and she loved me. Not romantically of course as Rose is and always will be the only one I'll ever truly love, and you could see after being with them for ten minutes that the Princess and Christian Ozera were hopelessly in love. I loved her like an older brother loves his younger sister, but also strangely enough I felt this kind of motherly bond with her. I would always protect her, and I knew she would protect me too; physically and emotionally.

"I just need to know if she's good for him. Please, just tell me he treats her right." I whispered the pain evident in my voice. I didn't need to tell her who I was talking about, which surprised me, but I guess Rose told her. Not that it mattered, because we were never going to be together again.

She looked at me, sympathy filling her jade green eyes, "He is. He treats her right Dimitri, no matter what people say about him, he loves her and he would never hurt her." I closed my eyes, I knew in my heart that was the sealing of my decision. I had to let her go.

As if reading my thoughts, Vasilisa's eyes widened, and she spoke almost frantically "She loves you though. She went through so much to save you, she would take you ba–"

"No Princess. That's not what's best for her. I can't be with her, not now I know Ivashkov makes her happy. I want her to be happy. Please if you could, can you tell the guardians not to let her down if she asks, not that I expect her to."

I felt the Princess's confused and upset gaze on me "But–"

I looked up at her as a tear slid down my cheek. "Please." She must have heard something in my voice then as she reluctantly nodded at me, tears shining in her eyes.

I had to push Rose away. Again. It pained me so much to do it, especially as I remembered one of the last conversations we'd had when I was a Dhampir about how we were going to be together, and fight for our love. I felt like a coward now, but I had to keep reminding myself that I was saying no to her because I loved her, and I needed her to be happy.

There were so many reasons why I was going to push Rose away, and not one of them included the fact that I didn't love her enough. I loved her more than anything, but I ruined everything we once had. She had moved on now, and I knew that although some people saw Adrian Ivashkov as a womanizing drunkard, I knew better. From what the Princess had told me and the honesty in her voice when she said it, it was obvious he really did love her and would treat her like the goddess she was.

It was a decision I'd stayed up late almost every night in my cell thinking about. I'd say yes, and then decide it would hurt too much and say no. My heart felt like it was being torn into tiny pieces, and it pained me so much to think about letting her go, but I had to. For her.

"Alright Princess, that's enough. You've had your five minutes." I heard one of the guardians say, his voice firm and loud.

Five minutes? I felt like I'd been sitting with the Princess for hours. She gave me a chaste kiss on my forehead, "I'll be back, I promise. Goodbye Dimitri."

I watched her leave and wished silently to myself she was telling the truth. She had to come back; I needed something to distract me from my constant thoughts about Roza, and I of course just wanted to see her. She was the only person I could truly show how I was feeling in front of. She wouldn't judge me. I knew Rose wouldn't either, but she wasn't an option.

As much as my already broken heart protested, I had to let her go. Thoughts drifting around my head of my beautiful Roza, I fell into my routine nightmares.

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_Once again, I want to thank my BEAUTIFUL readers that reviewed chapter 4_;**back2back****, ****amberrosalie****, ****Dimka24****, ****Chantie15**_ and _**EllelovesEmmett****. **Thank you so, so much :)

_Special thanks to _amberrosalie_ who has reviewed every chapter, always with sweet comments that mean so much to me :)_


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